Not With You, At You
by Egglette
Summary: A mockery of almost everything I've seen on fanfiction. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Warning: Language and sexual content. My lame attempt at humor. I upped the rating...you'll see why.
1. Biscuits are like Kites, not sure how

**I have. Absolutely. No clue where this came from. o--o;**

**It has no point, just for laughs. Uh. So. Yeah. **

**Disclaimer: If you honestly believe I own any of the mentioned below, you need to take a few steps back in your life and find out how hard your parents dropped you on your head. .---.'**

**Summary: A mockery of almost everything I've seen on fanfiction, even the well written stuff and the stuff that makes fun of other things.Wow...I'm weird.**

**The T rating will be clear. I don't think its enough for M...**

* * *

"Ho hum hum," Beast Boy said happily, using his new powers of just morphing his arms into a bird's wing to fly into Titans tower. 

"Beast Boy!" Raven exclaimed, glomping him, completely ignoring the fact that her powers were destroying everything in sight.

"Hey Raven! Hey, wanna go proclaim our love for each other followed by an intense, badly written make out scene where the author gives us some crackpot reason why nothing is blowing up?"

"Yes, Beast Boy, yes! And while we're at it, I can think of all the reasons I why think you're so sexy! With your sudden growth spurt and new maturity, I can't keep my hands off you!"

Beast Boy gave Raven a high five and scooped her up bridal style, carrying her to the dark deep depths of their T shaped Tower that Cyborg's father had built because he felt guilty about Cyborg becoming a Cyborg after the accident that killed his mother and destroyed most of Victor Stone's body with no light and just shadows so no one could see the possibly illegal illicit context and many, many unneeded descriptive adjectives that describe things.

**_---_**

"…And so Starfire, that is why if we spend fifteen extra seconds before attacking and listening my corny puns, those poor, poor kittens can be spared," Robin concluded, puffing up his very manly but very scrawny chest.

"Oh, Robin! Your speech has given me much, much insight! In fact, I think I will now speak in perfect English!"

In her mind, Starfire was laughing evilly. _'You idiotic morons! I always could speak perfect English, its just way more fun to act stupid and have Robin explain everything to me! I mean, my sister spoke it perfectly, why did you think I couldn't have? Not to mention that whole innocent-I've-never-done-anything-wrong image that comes along with it! Suckers! Kiss my perfectly rounded alien ass, bitches!' _

Robin sighed dreamily, lost in his own thoughts where he and Starfire, dressed as aubergines, frolicking in a field of sunshine daisies with Tidily-Wink the Pony IV and his magical waffle friends.

And now…a flashback.

"_Robin…what is an aubergine?" Starfire asked, watching Robin struggle to catch a butterfly. _

"_Well Starfire, just think about eggplant in English," Robin told her, momentarily pausing from his butterfly catching._

"_I thought eggplant was English for eggplant!" Starfire exclaimed. She gasped, realizing Robin's trickery. "You made it up, didn't you!"_

"_No, Starfire! I wouldn't have had the time, because I was too busy making out with Rave—err, never mind," Robin quickly trailed off._

_Starfire blinked, holding Silky, who seemingly came from no where, close. "What?" She asked with big eyes, her lip quivering._

"_Well, when all else fails, just think back to pokemon, Star! Remember the time…'Quick! Dance like an eggplant!'?"_

"_Of course, Robin! How could I have been so stupid! I had forgotten that on your planet, television determines your thoughts, actions, and decisions!" _

**_---_**

Heh, glad we went with the fake flashback, eh Katie? I mean, the real way we came up with aubergines…

Suddenly, the screen begins to fade into another memory, this one far more realistic.

A voice calls from the fading screen, "D'oh!"

**_---_**

"_Quick, Katie! Since Jess isn't around and I know she'll be mad at me if I don't put her in, what was something you'd never, ever, ever dress up like?" Sarah, AKA the author exclaimed, tapping and rubbing her chin maliciously. _

"_Hmm…I'm not sure," Katie, AKA RoseMage replied, putting her hands on her hips. "Silky, perhaps?"_

"_Would you laugh reverberatingly if you saw someone in a Silky costume, or just maim them until they told you where they got the guise?" _

_Katie sighed, scratching her scalp. "You're right, you're right. You're always right, Sarah. What did I do to deserve a friend like you?"_

_Sarah beamed, now waiting for the chibi version of herself to come onto screen and do a little dance number. _

"_What about…I've got it! Aubergines!" Katie cried out, magically summoning a light bulb above her head with her Mary Sue-ish powers. _

"_Perfect! I love it! Wonderful, dah-ling, you never fail to amaze me!"_

"_You have no idea what an aubergine is, do you?" Katie cocked an eyebrow._

"_No…" Sarah grinned sheepishly. She gave a small gasp, a new idea forming in her head. "You…you made it up, didn't you!" She pointed accusingly._

_Katie gasped, throwing her hand over her heart dramatically. "I would never! Just think eggplant in English!"_

"_But wait! I thought eggplant was eggplant in English!" Sarah replied, now confused more than ever. "Duck! Here comes Tidily-Wink!" _

_The two friends immediately dropped to the ground, hands over their necks for protection as the magical pony galloped in the air above them._

"_I was just reminded of a pokemon episode… 'Quick, dance like an eggplant!'"_

_**---**_

And now we rejoin two of our titans, Starfire and Robin.

"Robin, you amaze me. I love you, I truly, truly do. I know that one day, as the angry shippers have told me, you will leave me for some lady with a bat in front of her name, but I will never stop loving you. No matter how many fan boys with no life try to draw my physique with anatomy perfect to the male species, I am yours for the taking!

"Please…may I just see your eyes?"

"I'm not sure Starfire…your virgin eyes might not be able to withstand it."

"Robin, I have underwent many angst filled fan fictions and still, somehow, am the same, naïve girl who doesn't give a monkey his uncle. I have even been taken out of stories many, many times in our comic series because no one seems to care about me except for those perverted comic artists and writers, I can handle it. As well, I have even endured the constant bashing from those who desire you to fall in love with people you have never before met. Their names are too strange, Robin! I cannot take the skylarks and mystiques any longer without seeing your eyes!"

"Very well…Starfire," Robin agreed as she pulled down the mask. As she did so, she leaned over him and he couldn't help but take a peek down…ahem. Let's just move on, shall we?

She was amazed at what she saw, for his eyes were the perfect mixture of red, green, blue, purple, magenta, mommy and daddy tattooed (A/N: Umm…yeah, this was Katie's suggestion and I don't get it, but I think I might be in a world of hurt if I don't put it in.), orange, and many, many colors normally not visible to the human eye.

Starfire fell over in shock at the blinding light of his eyes.

"You see, Star, I hide my eyes not only because it makes me look mysterious and undeniably sexy, but because the government would try and use my eyes as headlights!" Robin exclaimed, jumping into Starfire's lap as she comforted him.

_**---**_

"I love you, Starfire!" Robin said, happily, toying with her hair.

"Oh, dearest Robin, I love you too! Oneoneone!"

Robin blinked blankly. "…Why did you just say oneoneone?"

"I am not quoting the number of the strip joint on Tamaran!" Starfire quickly screamed, dropping Robin from her lap.

He fell the ground, and the tears started to fall. Anxiously, Starfire leaned down to him and wiped his tears away from his eyes. "Oh, I am sorry Robin! Perhaps we can do your favorite hobby, the catching of flies made of butter?"

Robin lit up like a dance floor in the seventies. Grabbing Starfire's hand, he made a mad dash for the door.

**_---_**

In his room, Cyborg was typing away furiously at the keyboard, punching in numbers, letters, and who knows what. He paused as his eyes scanned over a website curiously…_fan fiction_.

The words dripped with an eerie beckon, calling to him. Unable to contain himself, Cyborg entered the site. But even Cyborg's mechanical eye could not help rolling back into his head as he read a piece of work.

When Cyborg regained consciousness, he reread the writing one last time. This time, instead of fainting, he laughed evilly, stroking Silky as though he was Mr. Bigglesworth. He laughed again, bringing a pinky to his mouth. Where Silky came from, he wasn't sure. Silky was a mysterious being, with a secretive past and a possible power of teleportation. How else would he be able to show up on their adventures out of no where?

"This is perfect, absolutely perfect!" Cyborg sang to the heavens.

At that moment, a short girl in her earlier teens popped her head in through Cyborg's door. "Err, Cyborg, this scene isn't for a few minutes, so if you could just—"

"Shh!" Cyborg hushed.

"But—"

"Shh!"

"Bu—"

"Shh!"

"B—"

"Cy—"

"SHH, SHHHH, SHHHHHHH!" Cyborg hushed for the last time, pressing a button so the door closed in the girls face.

"I need to share this with the world! Oh, man, Beast Boy is going to furious! So many people killed of Terra! And not to mention all those love affairs he's had with those OC's and titans that no one suspected for a second!" Cyborg shot up out of his chair, knocking Silky from his lap.

Clapping his hands together excitedly as he waited for the story to print out, Cyborg immediately darted into the dark deep depths of their T shaped Tower that Cyborg's father had built because he felt guilty about Cyborg becoming a Cyborg after the accident that killed his mother and destroyed most of Victor Stone's body with no light and just shadows so no one could see the possibly illegal illicit context and many, many unneeded descriptive adjectives that describe things.

As he reached the dark deep depths of their T shaped Tower that Cyborg's father had built because he felt guilty about Cyborg becoming a Cyborg after the accident that killed his mother and destroyed most of Victor Stone's body with no light and just shadows so no one could see the possibly illegal illicit context and many, many unneeded descriptive adjectives that describe things, however, he stopped dead in his tracks as Beast Boy and Raven moaned out their love confessions.

"Err…you know, I'll just come back later…"

**_---_**

"Okay…well, if Beast Boy couldn't hear it, Robin still can, and he's gonna be P.O-ed! Wait till he finds out that he was raped by Slade…and ultimately realized the true gay inside him!" Cyborg merrily said, skipping down the hallway.

But when he reached the main room where he had last seen Starfire and Robin, there was no one there. Cyborg put his hands on his hips as he tapped his finger to his chin.

Bored, he threw the paper aside. "Eh, this is old. I think I'll go meet with one of my many potential girlfriends and rant on and on about how awesome my car is."

**_---_**

Beast Boy hugged his knees to his body, chin rested on top. He stole a glance at Raven, who was in her own little world. "So…what now?"

Raven sighed, now awoken from her daydream. "I dunno, Beast Boy. I could yell at you and tell you how stupid you are, filled with innuendos?"

"Nah, we did that last week. Want to go to some club scene where you pout and it ends up in me making out with you on the dance floor as I try to teach you to groove?"

"Too last month," Raven objected, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. "How about we act out some scenes from Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers like those movies that make fun of other movies do?"

"Bor-ing," Beast Boy said dully. "Wanna just make out?"

Raven sighed, twirling a stand of violet hair on her finger. "Yeah, okay."

**_---_**

"Robin, I did not know you could be so gay!" Starfire called as they pranced around in the field, swooping playfully at the butterflies.

Robin stopped his ballerina formation. "How did you know what that term meant, Star? You're supposed to be naïve, remember?"

"Umm…" As a distraction to Robin, she pointed past his shoulder and behind him. "Look, Robin! It's a Pipevine Swallowtail!"

Robin's suspicious thoughts immediately were lost. "Where?"

**_---_**

"…And so Jinx, Bumblebee, and the T-Car, that is why I am obviously the best titan. Yes, feel free to bask in my ambiance."

"Oh, Cyborg," Jinx cooed, "I think you're the best thing that's ever happened to me! And to think I almost dated Kid Flash instead of you!"

"No Sparky, I think you're the best!" Bee persisted. "I'm the one who has a nickname for him, after all!"

"You live in a tower full of boys, bitch! You can't be trusted!" Jinx screamed, diving at Bee with a battle cry.

"Everyone knows Speedy and Aqualad are gay, foo'!" She shouted back, tearing at the girl's hair.

The rolled over in a circle so Bee was now on top. "And besides, you live with FIVE guys!"

The screaming and fighting continued, while Cyborg and the T-Car watched from their place of comfort. Getting annoyed, the T-Car stepped—err, drove forward. "Stop this incessant fighting! It is obvious I am the one Cyborg loves best!"

"Hey, whoa, whoa wait!" Cyborg exclaimed. The two girls and the car stopped in mid fight. Bee was preparing herself to lunge at the T-Car, Jinx was clawing at Bee's face, and the T-Car looked ready to run Jinx over.

"Just…watch the paint job, okay?" The girls and car nodded, for it seemed manageable. Cyborg slinked back into his throne and waved a hand nonchalantly. "Carry on."

The girls hadn't moved an inch before another voice called out. "But wait! It is I, Mary Sue, the unforgettable OC! Surely you cannot have forgotten that I love Cyborg the most!"

Cyborg frowned. "But I've never met you."

The girl, a slender but curvy female with everything completely flawless about her, and bright blue eyes and radiant blond hair, shrugged. "Yeah, but Starfire got paired with Robin, Beast Boy with Raven, so that leaves me with you."

Cyborg pondered it for a moment, scratching his chin. "Yeah, okay."

The girl placed her hands on her hips triumphantly. "You cannot hope to defeat me! With my knowledge of almost every language known to man and alien, powers of flight, super speed, energy beams, telekinesis, empathy, super strength, shape shifting, geomancing, the control over fire, and the rest of the elements, AND my ability to withstand temperatures of over 300 degrees and under -50 degrees, not to mention my teleportation skills and extremely angsty and dramatic past that I will take a long, steady time to explain once this is done and the readers will get to know more about me!"

Everyone, Cyborg included, stared blankly. Then they totally went OMGZ WIERD!And O----O;;;;;'''''! LAWLZ! JASON MRAZ DRESSES LIKE A GANSTAR ! onetwenty!

**_---_**

"I don't understand, Beast Boy! I shouldn't be in love with you, not at all. I should find you annoying, ignorant, stupid, unintelligent, dangerously sexy, but I shouldn't love you! I need to consult my many emotions in the mind that people always refer to as Nevermore!"

"Alright Raven, you do that. I'll just wait here and entertain myself with some of these printouts I found in the living room," Beast Boy replied casually, picking up the papers that Cyborg had discarded. _'And then, when you're not looking, I'll jump in after you!'_

Raven nodded and ran to her room, reappearing moments later with the antique mirror in hand. She plugged her nose and dove into the mirror without another word.

He waved as she jumped, deciding to wait a few minutes before following her in. Choosing now to finally look at the papers, Beast Boy paled considerably before he blacked out.

**_---_**

Robin sighed happily and plopped into the field, making a field-angel. "Isn't this great, Starfire?"

"Oh Robin! I can't take this sexual tension for much longer! I think we need another adventure where we face dangerous peril and our lives are endangered before it's gone," Starfire exclaimed.

Robin sat up, looking at Starfire curiously. "Hmm…what does the author think we should do?"

Sarah sighed, pulling out a notebook and taking a seat next to Starfire. "I could do something roughly based off your 'Stranded' episode, but that's been fairly used."

Starfire exchanged glances and nodded in agreement.

"Actually, Star, you've already confessed your love to him so really, there shouldn't be any sexual tension," Sarah tapped the pencil to her forehead.

Starfire shot her an evil look, eyes aglow.

"On second thought, a romantic story roughly based off a movie, if not more, sounds great!" She quickly replied, hands shot up defensively.

The alien calmed, smiling sweetly.

**_---_**

Cyborg, having watched the three girls and the car battle it out for almost an hour now, was growing very bored with himself.

He drummed his fingers on his throne seat, sighing as Mary Sue made another kung fu-kick-jab move at Jinx's head. Jinx was no match for Mary Sue's awesome kung fu abilities, and was quickly knocked unconscious.

The T-Car and Bumblebee paused momentarily from their fight, looking at Mary Sue curiously. The T-Car, using the psychic powers no one knew it had, told Bumblebee her plan.

'_Mary Sue is too strong to take on one on one. We should gang up on her and take her down before she over powers us both,'_ the T-Car thought telepathically, which really isn't logically correct.

Bee nodded, whipping a strand of dark hair that had fallen into her face out of the way. Getting up from the ground, she walked towards Mary Sue with her back somewhat hunched over, her fingers coming back and forth to signal for Mary Sue to come closer.

The T-Car, on the other hand, whirred its engines and popped a wheelie.

Cyborg sighed again; he'd just video tape it and watch it later. He wished he hadn't left those fan fiction stories back at their T shaped Tower that Cyborg's father had built because he felt guilty about Cyborg becoming a Cyborg after the accident that killed his mother and destroyed most of Victor Stone's body.

Cyborg's eyes shot open with realization. The stories! He'd left them on the floor for all to see!

* * *

**Um...yes. This is the mockery story I'm trying to pass off. Pathetic, no?**

**I'm actually going to write another chapter. Next chapter: Beast Boy reads the fictions! And possibly goes into Raven's mind. I'm not sure. **

**MWUHAHAHHHAHAHAH -wheezecoughfalloverdiedramatically-**

**I could care less if you reviewed, since I'm doing this soley for my own amusement. Major shout outs to Katie for giving me some ideas for this story!**

**But if you do review, I'll be happy and my ego will be stroked. Does that sound wrong? Because, you know...**


	2. And then I went BOO and you screamed

**Not as long as chapter 1, but oh well. So in this chapter, BB reads some of the fanfictions! And then he goes to Nevermore.**

**Not much else, but read on, my faithfuls! Read on, I say! Tally ho!**

**

* * *

**

**Meanwhile, in the T shaped tower that Cyborg's father…oh, screw this**.

When Beast Boy regained consciousness, he found himself on the floor of the living room with Raven's mirror in one hand a small pile of papers in the other.

He quickly put the mirror aside; he could follow Raven some other time. "What the hell…?" he breathed, reading a few of the stories.

**_---_**

Yay for you, we fade into story sequence…

"Beast Boy! Beast Boy, where are you?" Raven called around looking because she didn't know where Beast Boy was. "I'm over here, crying an' morning ovur Terra!" He replied sadly. "its okay, BB! I no I usually call you stupid an' stuff, but really I love you!" Beast Boy looked up. "Realy?" "Of course, BB! Don't my innerendos mean anything to you?" Raven stops comforting and starts to cry. "I'm sorry Raven!" She looked up, feeling better now. "Thanks." "Sure! Doyouwannagooutwithme?" he breathed, smiling. She looked happier then ever. "I love you!" "I love you too!" They flew into the sunset with BB as a bird to live happily ever after.

The End.

**_---_**

Beast Boy blinked at the writing. In all his days of reading comics where overzealous artists draw the women with breasts as large as their heads and buts that seemed to expand and withdraw, this was the worst piece of crap he'd ever seen.

Quickly throwing the paper aside, he moved onto the next printout. It was titled…

**_---_**

» Teen Titans » Feelings

Author: Silhouetted Person Standing In the Shadows x58

Fiction Rated: M – English – Romance/Angst – Reviews: 304 - Published: …eh. Who cares? We all know this fake anyway.

Summary: Robin thinks he might have feelings 4 Slade! I suck at summarys but plz come anyway! R&R!

Robin sat in his chair, currently thinking about Slade. He'd been doing that a lot and his teammates were worried.

He just had want for everything work out and to capture Slade, was it so bad? But what was worse…Robin thought he might have feelings for him!

Slade had certainly showed feelings for him when he'd been his apprentice…

"Apprentice, come. I have a pair of handcuffs I want you to test out for me…"

"Apprentice, come. Tell me, do you prefer fuchsia or lime for a baby room?"

"Apprentice, come. What are you views on Michael Jackson? I, personally, don't think he's that bad of a person. Child molestation is a very sensitive subject…"

"Apprentice, come. Does this outfit make me look fat? Be honest now…"

Robin sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Slade was really misunderstood and no one understood him, especially not the author…I mean Robin.

Suddenly, from the shadows came a mysterious but devilishly enticing voice. "Apprentice, come. I have a secret to tell you about my whereabouts."

Robin blinked furiously because he was confused. "But Slade, I'm not your apprentice anymore and you're standing right over there to my left! I know everything about your whereabouts!"

From the shadows that he couldn't see from before, Slade's eye looked around nervously. "Err…yes; well…I have some candy…"

"Candy!"

**_---_**

Beast Boy blinked again, holding the paper away at arms length. He picked up another one, even though he had a bad feeling about it.

» Teen Titans » and then their was five

Author: Giddy Giggling Girls on Crack

Fiction Rated: T – English – Romance/Drama – Reviews: 67 - Published: …

Summary: the titans aren't the titans ne mr, and there just high school kids! what happens when they all meet? Plz it's a bad summary but R&R!

"Richard or would you rather be called Robin? Come on, youll be late for school!" Richard smiled at his mom and grabbed his backpack before hurrying out the door

"So Kori if anyone asks you about yourself just act really perky and give thought bubbles to show the angst, ok?" Starfire or Kori's dad patted her on the back as she ran towards the bus stop.

"GAR YOU IDIOT GET UP!" Gar's nanny called from below. He woke up and run down the stares not eating breakfast.

"Raven!" her father yelled from. Raven shot out of bed and hurriedly hurried down the stairs,she didn't want to see herfather or anything like that because he has a very foreboding manner even though the author doesn't know what it means, but she really does.

Victor didn't need anyone to wake him up because he loved school so much and was good at everything he tried and was initially the Gary Stu like character of the bunch because he was good at school and really popular because he was on the football team and everyone liked him.

Raven hurried to the bus and sat down next to Gar. He looked at her and said, "hello"

She gave him a bad look and looked away. _'O DAMN SHE'S A FINE MUTHA—'_

**_---_**

Beast Boy quickly ripped the paper in half, not being able to stand anymore of it.

He sighed, not daring to pick up another story. Eying the mirror that lay next to him, he gave a shrug. _'Eh, why not?'_

Before he could, however, something caught his eye. It was about something he'd been fighting most of his life, and had only later just defeated. He needed to go visit the Gotham Penitentiary and show this to the Brotherhood sometime soon.

**_---_**

» Teen Titans » Hard Knock Life

Author: Muscular Macho and Modest

Fiction Rated: T – English – Romance – Reviews: 8 - Published: …

Summary: What went down, yo, in da Brain's hideout when he captured the Doom Patrol, dawg!

"You're going down, Brain!" Mento shouted, hitting hard into the restraints of the bubble-like material.

"On the contrary," The Brain said in his robotic way of speaking. "It is you, who is being brought down. I am going to bring you down so hard, I will female dog slap you all the way back to China." He then let out a series of whirs and buzzing noises, which probably meant he was laughing.

Negative Man looked up in his bubble. "Did he really just try to diss you, Mento?"

ElastiGirl sighed and slapped her forehead dramatically. "Honestly, Brain. For someone with such a mind as yours, you'd think you could come up with something better then that."

The Brain sounded distressed, "Silence! I speak many languages, but Ebonics is not one of them!"

Negative Man rolled his eyes. "Ebonics isn't a langua—"

"Quiet! Do you want Monsieur Mallah to butt rape you again?"

He sighed, "No…"

"That is what I was thinking. Now, you will listen to my 'disses', as you call them!" The Brain cried. "Madame Rouge, if you will."

The villainess appeared up the brain, setting up a music stand that looked like it was made for a very small child. In front of it, was a large book.

"Yo, yo, yo, homies. I am going to kick your mother fucking ass, n-----. (A/N: Eh heh…I bleeped it out, just in case…) You dig, word?"

The three Doom Patrol members stared blankly as the Brain continued.

"Fershizzle my nizzle, fo' sho'. B-I-N-G-O, dawg," The Brain said through his monotonous voice.

Even Madame Rouge began to look disgusted. At that moment, a spotlight flickered above the Brain and the rest of the room darkened. From the shadows, music began to play.

"It's a hard knock life, for me. Instead of world domination, I get jailed!

"Instead of killing you, you escape!"

The rest of the Brotherhood of Evil began to dance in formation.

"It's a hard knock life!" They all sang in unison.

"Put all this work into our schemes, and they get destroyed!" Madame Rouge sang; tap dancing as she did so.

"'Steada ransom, we get beaten!" Monsieur Mallah added.

"No one's there when your dreams at night get creepy! No one cares if you grow...of if you shrink! No one dries when your eyes get wet an' weepy, only if you're trying to take over the world!" General Immortus hummed.

"For Christmas, all we get is coal!" Some of the minion robots chorused.

"No one cares about your feelings, when you're a villain!" the Brain furthered.

"IT'S A HARD KNOCK LIFE!" They finished, getting on their knees and waving their hands with spirit fingers.

The group quickly ushered themselves away, save for the Brain's usual crew. "Now, where was I?"

"You were about to let us go," Negative Man said in a bored voice.

"You fool! Do you think I would have let you go just like that? I am not that stupid. As I was saying—" The Brain paused, clearing his throat. "And so, homie G-dogs, I am your master, yo. G-UNIT! I am also your bitc—HEY!"

Negative Man snickered. The Brain's helmet fizzed with the green bubbles and water. "Very well, Negative Man. You know your punishment; Mallah, if you will."

The gorilla rubbed his hands together happily, "Oh jolly day, master!"

Before the gorilla could make his move, however, the wall crashed open to reveal the Titans and Robotman.

Monsieur Mallah sighed, arms dropping to his side sadly.

**_---_**

Beast Boy laughed openly, reaching for another sheet when…that dreaded raven-shadow-claw-thingy jumped out of the mirror and grabbed hold; tight.

He didn't even have time to scream, for he was soon pulled down and through that familiar black vortex.

When Beast Boy came to, he saw a dark green-cloaked Raven tapping her foot impatiently. "You jerk! You were supposed to come in right after Raven! Now, because you had to read those stupid stories, the plotline is all screwed up! I'm going to have to take you ALL the way to Happy's reign, and you'll have to start all over! Ugh!"

He blinked impassively as Raven made a vortex to the left of her. Without giving him a moment's protest, she grabbed the ends of his uniform and pulled him into the black hole.

As he stepped out, he immediately recognized his surroundings. Yellow skies…floating strawberries…pink mountains…yup, he was in gay's-ville.

Bravery gave an angry snort. "You see what I had to do! All that work because just had to read!"

"But you—"

"BEAST BOY!" A pink-cloaked Raven dived towards him maliciously, mouth wide somewhat evilly.

He stepped out of the way just in time; she landed on the floor. She started laughing.

Through laughter, it was obvious she was trying to say something, "You…jerk! Hahaha, I wish I could stop being so mother fucking happy all the time! Hahaha, fuck you! Hehehe," She paused, and snorted, slapping her knee. She looked up at him with malevolent eyes. "Goddamn!"

Bravery rolled her eyes and phased out. "What now?" Beast Boy asked.

Happy finally stopped laughing hard enough to get a few solid words in. "You're so funny! No, you're not, but I'm a stereotype of some stupid, goddamned fucking school girl so I have to think everything is so fucking funny!"

He blinked.

She cracked up again, cursing through laughter. "You're supposed to converse with every single one of Raven's emotions until you meet up that fucking mysterious purple bitch and you make out passionately! Then Raven gives you some fucked up reason why she loves you and you make out with her, instead! You player, fuck you!"

He blinked again; harder.

"Oh shut up!"

"I didn't-"

"I said shut the fuck up!"

"But I didn't-"

"Just go talk to Rude, Crass, Sloth, or whatever you decided to call that bitch," She snorted, walking away giggling.

"Okay…"

**_---_**

As Beast Boy stepped through the vortex, he was welcomed at once by an orange-cloaked Raven. She greeted him with a loud belch.

"Who are you?" He asked, even though we all know he knew the answer.

She shrugged nonchalantly. "I have many names; Jerk, Slob, Good-for-Nothing, Crass, Rude, Annoyance, Sloth, Lazy, Idle—"

"Okay, okay! I get it!"

She burped again and walked away.

"Aren't you going to tell me something important or ask me how Happy was?"

"That would go against who I am. I would, but…no, I probably wouldn't."

"Is she always so…"

"Scary? Yeah," the orange-Raven-with-many-names scratched the inside of her ear, flicking the wax onto the ground.

Beast Boy stopped for a moment, looking around for a portal. When he looked up again, she was gone. He began to walk around, searching, when he tripped over something. He looked down to see orange-Raven-with-many-names lying on the ground, sound asleep.

He scratched his head. "Well that was fulfilling."

Spotting the portal, he made a quick dash for it. As he stepped through, it was none other than…

* * *

**BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BU--, eh, no I'm bored with that.**

**Okay, you wanna know who it is, review! I know I'll post it anyway, if you don't, but I'll post it FASTER if you do. **

**HEHEHE. Okay. Nothing more.**

**Except this, a word to the wise, thou shall not flame, thou shall not make thy feel inferior, thou shall stroke thy ego, and thou shall review, or face thy torture among death by burning at the stake, stoning (in more ways than one, my dear friends...), slow acting poison, take your pick. **


	3. DAMN CAPS LOCK IS STUCK!

**Oh my god, it has been so long since I've looked at this. I kind of have to say, I think my writing has improved since I started this. I'm disgusted at the increativity at the past chapters, and if I have time, I'll rewrite them.**

**I am poking and proding and laughing at everything today; spastic mood. God, these are so fun to write!**

**Disclaimer: Please, girfriend. Uh huh. -snaps fingers-**

* * *

Spotting the portal, he made a quick dash for it. As he stepped through, it was none other than…

…Your mother. Seriously, she jumped into the story and told you to get off Fan Fiction and go do your homework or else you'd be grounded.

---

Biding your mother goodbye, Beast Boy continued on with his travels. The next portal was broody and depressing, filled with the reverberating sounds of Evanescence and a bit of Within Temptation. It was without a doubt to Beast Boy that he was in a Goth café.

Wait, no, that's not right.

…It was without a doubt that Beast Boy was in the land of Timid. (Much better)

The crouched over version of Raven looked up at Beast Boy with wide eyes and trembled. "Oh Beast Boy, I'm so scared."

Being the nurturing soul he was, he comforted her instantly. "Why?" He asked.

"I am afraid you will not like me or some other reason unexplainable until the very end of the story, probably including an OC and a dark, deep past of the gorgeous but mysterious person, somehow related to me," Timid replied in one breath, sighing. "I'd cut myself out of pain, but either a) that's Self-Loathing's job, or b) I'm too scared. I'm a wimp Beast Boy, that's why."

"You're right," Beast Boy agreed. Timid burst into tears as he walked away. "Well, see you later!"

---

Raven, miles away sat in her own personal region, was deep in thought. Yes, Raven was musing and mulling, and many other big words to describe thinking. What was _not_ on her mind was Beast Boy, why she hides under a cloak, the reasons she has so much sexual tension with him, why she flirts with him and is cruel purposely, or the true nature behind Baskin Robin's 31 flavors that Starfire was alarmed to find out was not a form of intercourse.

No, that wasn't on her mind _at all_…

One eye peeped open, looking around the barren landscape. "Where the hell is Beast Boy?"

---

Meanwhile, Starfire and Robin were having their own fun. "Star, tell me again why I'm a normal human being and the world seems to know my real name? And why I'm either not wearing a mask or I'm wearing dark sunglasses that, in retrospect, would be really uncomfortable to wear all the time?" Robin asked, whining as he pulled on the clothes.

"Because!" Starfire screamed. Were she not currently AU-ified, her eyes would've started glowing and starbolts would've flickered around her palms. She sent Robin to the other side of the school campus, saddled her backpack on her shoulders, and entered her first period classroom.

The teacher had white hair and a black eye patch over an eye, staring out in the distance with a mysterious and threatening aura. "Slade?" Starfire asked, astonished.

Slade put a finger to his lips. "My true nature has not yet been revealed! I am Mr. Wilson, insolent fool!"

Starfire, now dubbed Kori, (or Kory or Cory, you pick) nodded her head and stood next to a seat. "Good morning, friends!" She exclaimed to the world. "I am new here, hailing from an Eastern-European country. Sometimes, my wonderful but evil sister comes and makes a pact with a bitchy girl named Kitten and, if the writer is a BB/Rae shipper, Terra too!"

"…That wasn't really necessary, Kori," Mr. Wilson said.

"The plot thickens!" Kori shouted, raising an arm and pointing at the ceiling as she sunk into her seat.

---

Cyborg sighed. This was completely and utterly boring. I mean there had to be a limit on how many times Mary-Sue could come back from the dead! "I have nothing to do," he wailed.

The authoress crouched beside Cyborg on his meaty throne, notebook in hand. "I could just kill you off, since no one likes you," she offered.

"Couldn't I just disappear into hiding?"

"I guess."

Cyborg nodded his head eagerly, his fists closed and shaking in joy. Happily, he exclaimed, "Deal!"

---

Beast Boy hummed to himself a bit as he walked along; screw that maze! He'd taken a shortcut through Bravery's territory and was currently…lost. Damn.

Suddenly, a blonde head of hair poked its head around a tree. "Terra?" Beast Boy asked. He was unsure whether the LSD had kicked in or not, but signs pointed to yes.

"Yes Beast Boy, it is me, Terra! I have risen from my stone encasing! Come, let's run into the sunset!"

"But—"

"Quick! Before the out of character-ness consumes me and I turn into a prom-queen bitch!"

"But Terra, you don't remember me. Do the words Things Change ring any bells?"

"Oh…" She coughed nervously, looking around. "Well…"

"Besides…what are you doing in Raven's mind?"

Terra's eyes flickered to and fro, slowly inching away before turning on her heel and running away.

"…" Gears started to churn…

"…" Slowly, but surely, as he watched her spindly legs pound the ground…

_Bing_! "…Terra, wait! You _do_ remember! You lying hoe bag! Oh my god, the angst and drama devours!"

---

"Damn it! Where's that stone, spell, and or ring that's supposed to let me feel!"

---

"Excuse me—oof!" Kori said, trying to get past a boy in the hallway.

"Sorry!" He lent down, offering Kori a hand up. She slapped it away.

"Ro—Richard, that's not in the script! You are a spoiled rich orphan living with his wealthy uncle and have no friends and are heartless and slowly we will form a bond!" She exclaimed.

"What! I don't want to—"

"Do it!"

"…Watch where you're going, nerd," he grumbled, reading off a thick white script.

"I need to find sanctuary and somehow meet Raven! Wah!"

---

Jinx, the T-Car, Bee, and Mary-Sue all ceased fight, noticing their king had disappeared.

"Well this sucks," Jinx pouted.

"Let's go bond over Smallville episodes and a tub of ice cream!" Bee suggested.

"Why would you do that, when…" A voice said from the background, "…Gary Stu(d) is here!"

"He's gorgeous!" Someone exclaimed.

"He's mine!"

"Mine!"

…Lets just move on.

---

When Cyborg woke, he was surrounded by dinosaurs. Hungry looking dinosaurs. Yippee.

It was without a doubt Cyborg was in Jurassic Park.

Wait, no, that's not right.

…It was without a doubt Cyborg was in wherever the hell Kole lives. (Much better)

But since no one likes Cyborg and he always ends up being dead, we'll just leave him and Kole to flirt some more.

---

"I am sick of waiting, Beast Boy, where the hell—oh."

Beast Boy turned around, releasing the purple-cloaked Raven as he eyed the real Raven behind him. "Wait…who…shit, not again!"

---

Kori continued down the hall, vaguely listening to a handsome boy with piercing blue eyes and pale hair calling out, "Raven, oh sweet Raven! Where are you, Raven? I want to rape you!"

She turned, still smiling. "Malchior—"

"Michael or Malcolm, please," he interjected.

"Michael, Raven's not in this AU. She's in the next story over, sorry."

"…Fuck you! I'm gonna go find some other powerful yet confused and easily manipulated girl! Hmm…where did Terra go?"

---

Cyborg's eyes flickered from each dinosaur, blasting one with a sonic beam. Where were Kole and Gudark! Glark… Gumark…

He dove a chomp, giving a total matrix bullet dive.

(Like I said, no one likes Cyborg, I just gave him a little part because I wanted a space filler.)

…But then Cyborg remembered he was a pimp and with a new rage, angry he might not get his money and what he came for, he destroyed all the dinosaurs and went to find Kole.

---

"Sorry about that, Raven," Beast Boy said, rubbing the back of his scalp.

"It's alright, Beast Boy. Affection can be unpredictable. I forgive you."

"So…should I try and get you to eat tofu now? Then we have a moment and I let down a wall of my façade show and I leave you questioning my real intellect?"

Before Raven could reply, a zap of lightening struck down (probably the work of Mumbo or… As Robin would say, Slade!) and hit them both.

When they came to, both their vision was blurred. Raven reached out for Beast Boy, grumbling a few words as she did so, but fell silent as she felt his body.

"Beast Boy?"

"Yeah Raven?"

"…Why are you a girl?"

---

Kori's face split into a smile that resembled a person on speed as she saw the shop (one she loved). And even better, her least favorite hottie that she didn't spend all day thinking about was in there, sampling the store's goods.

She sat next to him, eyeing his choice. "So Richard, may I lick your…"

* * *

**Okay! Haha, I'm upping the rating. And it's not really perverted, you assumers. **

**Just wait it out. Too much fun to write. **

**I find it funny how I say I couldn't care if you reviewed in one chapter and review in the second. When did I write this? God, lame.**


	4. Oh, chapter title idea! Wait, too long

**Another chapter of the story that will make you say WTF repeatedly. **

**Prepare to be alarmed. **

**DOOM DOOM DOOM. (on you all. enjoy.)**

* * *

"…ice cream? I do love the cream of ice!"

"Erm… Sure…" Rich said hesitantly, holding out his cone.

"So? Are you ready to work on our homework assignment?" Kori asked through bites.

Rich's eyebrow cocked. Kori giggled again, disregarding the finished ice cream. "Silly, don't you remember? We're working together on some school project! How else will I get past your bad boy façade and learn of the angst-ridden past that haunts your every waken moment?"

"…"

---

Beast Boy looked down at himself to find that he was no longer a he. His (or rather, Her) eyes grew wide with shock as she examined her new body. Petite frame, absolutely gorgeous, beautiful hair—dear god, she was hot! As she looked over to Raven, she was incredibly surprised to find a boy staring back at her.

"…Raven?"

"What?" The boy responded. _He_ was certainly not Raven…

Before either could say anything else, high-pitched giggles began to sound behind them. They both whipped around to see a wave of girls, mostly between the ages of twelve and seventeen, running straight towards them, screaming things like, "Male Raven is teh shizz!" or "Oh my god Raven is _hot_!"

"Should we run?"

"Probably."

---

Cyborg was extremely confused. He'd been having a perfectly good time with Kole, hanging out and kicking dinosaur ass, when Gnarrk had discovered them. It hadn't been pretty, to say the least, and the last memory he had was primal caveman fury charging straight at him.

Now, he was awake and his hangover was to kill. He grunted as he pushed himself up, alarmed to find a brown loincloth slide down his chest as he sat up.

"Please, no…"

In a sing-song, slightly sly, voice from around the corner, Cyborg heard a, "Gna-a-a-rrk…"

Cyborg gave a prayer. "Please…someone pull the trigger now…"

---

"Oh my fucking god, get my name right! It's Raven! Two syllables! Why can't you just act the way you do in the show, Beast Boy, and call me by my real name? It was never hard for you _there_!"

The sound of something shattering filled the room.

"Damn it! **Now** I have to go _back_ into Nevermore and find out why you make me so infuriated but apparently infatuated! Thanks, thanks a lot!"

---

"Wait…where are we now?"

"Go away!" Kori screamed, dismissing him with a wave of her arm.

"You look older…" Richard began.

"You don't father my child and then leave me! Get out!"

Richard could only blink. "You heard me! All the flirting when we were titans, even when we retired and retreated into civilian life, then you find out I'm pregnant and leave! How could you! I'll never forgive you! I'm calling Raven, Bumble Bee, or any of my other female friends I still have contact with and we are pointedly going to ignore you until mid-way through the story!"

With that said Kori stormed off, grabbing a teenage girl by the hand and leading her away. Richard stared on, appalled, letting out a disbelieving breath. "What…the…hell…"

---

"…You don't say? And when did you start this habit of cutting?" The reporter stuck the microphone in the Titan's face, who casually waved his hand around indifferently.

"Well, you know, I've got that big, deep secretive past that just puts me on the same angst level as Robin and Rae, and the whole deal with Terra apparently shattered me pretty bad. You don't know it, but I'm just seething with angst and anger. My walls are _just_ that big, you don't know it."

"Uh-huh, and how did the other titans react to your 'problem'?"

"Oh, they were pretty okay about it. I mean, everyone was just glad they weren't the only one with the problem."

"Wait, you're saying that the other Titans deal with cutting too?"

"Well duh! I mean, come on! The drama is just pouring off of us!" Beast Boy snorted, folding his arms. "_Hel-lo_, where have you been for the past five seasons?"

"Is it even possible for Cyborg to cut? And Starfire? I mean sure Robin and Raven are understandable but—"

"Look, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to try and commit suicide now."

The reporter blinked, horrified. "S-Suicide…? Surely you can't really—"

Beast Boy waved a hand nonchalantly. "Oh no, don't worry. It's all part of the plot. You see, I go Emo and then the person I'm 'destined to be with' will find me and we'll bond and live happily ever after…"

---

"K-Kori…? What are you doing? Aren't you aware of the out of character-ness?"

"I'm sorry Richard—the power of lust _compels_ me!"

Sadly, Richard shook his head, "I knew I shouldn't have let you watch The Exorcist…"

---

"Damn it, I met her first!"

"I converted her!"

"So? She never could've been converted hadn't it been for me!"

"I'll make you a bet."

"Hm?"

"We'll race. First one to her gets claimsies on her."

"Man, you _know_ that ain't fair! And 'claimsies' idn't a word either!"

---

_Slap!_

Raven Roth flew across the living room floor, landing on her back. She could only stare up with wide eyes as her prominent father brought his fists down. "That'll teach you, insolent child!"

"But I—"

"Silence!" He boomed. "Can't you see I need to take my anger out on you so you make friends? The bruises draw attention, ignorant mortal!"

"Actually," Raven began, "we're both mortals in this AU—ahh!"

---

"Right, got it…crossing 'get advice from a reclusive former mentor with no sex life' off the 'try when alien girlfriend is PMSing' list…"

---

"But I don't get it!"

"Don't get what, Beast Boy?" Raven asked.

"You're free to feel emotion now; Trigon's dead! Why aren't we heatedly making out?"

Raven smiled softly, "That's in chapter 4."

"Ohhh," the green titan nodded understandingly, "got it. Well, I'm off to go take off my shirt."

"Why?"

"How else will you walk in on my newly hot body?"

"Good point."

---

"That's right—quiver in my wake!"

"Uh…Mr. The Source, Sir…?"

"What!"

The authoress bit her lip nervously, fiddling with her thumbs. "You're not exactly a cliché… Therefore not in this story…"

"What? Not a cliché! Who would dare not to use me! I'm fully of outer-spacey soy-beanie ness!"

"Yeah… You see, that's my point…"

---

"Apprentice…come, we have much work to do."

"God you're hot…"

"What was that?"

"Uh—oh, um, Beast Boy…! Yes… Resentment… I hate myself…I hate you…I hate the world… Emo… Angst…"

---

"And they were all XP and I went D: and then we all had a good laugh LOL."

"XD."

---

Beast Boy slumped to his knees, pounding his fist into the moist soil as the rain coated his body with water. "Why…why…" He moaned, not bearing to look at the tombstone heading.

"Why, what? Why are you crying?"

Beast Boy spun around to see the owner of the voice. What he saw, or rather who he saw, alarmed him even more than the infamous 'bacon-tofu switch'. "R-Raven…?" He sputtered. "You're…"—he spun back to the grave a few times, re-reading the heading as if to confirm something—"…you're dead!"

Raven laughed, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Of course I am, Beast Boy."

"Oh god, now you're haunting me with what could've been… Aren't I Emo enough already from your death?"

"Don't worry—I'll see you again next chapter."

"So you're _not_ dead?"

"No, I am."

"…"

She laughed again before de-materializing in front of his very eyes. "And you think you're confused _now_…"

---

"Careful, Star!" Robin cried out, wincing.

"It would not hurt as much if you did not move so!" Starfire insisted. "What I can't seem to understand is how such a large piece of wood got stuck up your—"

"_Owww_!"

---

"Man, when do I come in?" Cyborg pouted, folding his arms.

"Uh…" The authoress rubbed the back of her scalp with a weak smile. "It's all rather complicated… It's just… there aren't enough cliché's for you, so I kind of have to make some up…"

"Yeah, I can _see_ how that is incredibly complicated…"

"Oh, what's that…uh…Slade? You've risen from the dead _again_? Uh—no, you can't rape Raven…Terra? Oh… Well, no, not really. There's a thing called child molestation and—yeah, that's a good point…But you just don't _look_ like Michael Jackson, so I don't see how you could get away with that…" She turned to Cyborg for a moment to find him staring at her with wide eyes. "I'll…just…be going now…"

---

"Listen, you know I didn't mean it when I said you were a creepy Goth, right Rae?"

"…" There was a sniffle on the other side of the door.

"C'mon, you and I both know I think you're very hot… How else do you explain the spot on my sheets?"

"Could've kept that to yourself."

"But then where would the plot be?"

"Hmph. Erotic dreams have nothing to do with the plot."

"Yeah well, let's see you check _your_ sheets tomorrow morning!"

---

Terra sighed. "Why must I be stuck in such a love triangle?"

"What love triangle?" Slade asked from behind her, not taking his eyes off his project.

"Oh, you know—the one with you, me, and BB…" she sighed dreamily.

"Wait—what?"

"I'm so full of drama—ohh, orgy…"

While Terra was rapped up in her daydreams, no one noticed Slade twitching on the floor.

* * *

**Uhhhh. yeah. Nuff said.**

**REVIEW OR THE STORY WHORES WILL EAT YOU ALIVE. **

**(I feel especially nutty today- and no, I don't mean in the peanut sense.)**

**(save me from myself.)**


	5. I AM your father

**What a short chapter this is. Sorry folks.**

**I'm actually running out of cliche ideas! Any ideas, please send 'em over!**

**

* * *

** "So…you're a clone." 

Terra shrugged. "You could say that."

"Then you have amnesia."

"Probably."

"Wait, then you remember everything?"

"Uh…"

"You're not plotting to destroy us again, are you?"

"Yeah… I'd like to reveal that, but not until Slade attacks someone."

"Is that a yes?"

"…"

"…"

"Uh, hey, look over there! Its Speedy and Aqualad making out!"

Beast Boy whirled around, camera at the ready. His face quickly fell. There was no one in the direction Terra had pointed. Utterly confused, Beast Boy turned back to face the blonde geomancer. He was surprised to see that she had left. Beast Boy kicked a nearby rock, throwing his camera on the ground. "Stupid cliffhangers!"

---

Jinx harrumphed, folding her arms. She refused to look at the boy sitting next to her. She pulled the covers up over her head childishly.

He was stuttering out excuses, throwing his arms about in attempt to get her attention. "I _did_ say I was the fastest boy alive."

---

Robin sighed, flipping through T.V. channels. No… No… No… After a few minutes of channel surfing, he heard the main doors hiss open. Strangely, he heard no footsteps. He assumed it was Raven, as Starfire would make a large amount of noise. With a dreamy smile, Robin's thought drifted to how Starfire could light up a room.

"Hi Robin!" Robin double-took at the seat next to him to find Beast Boy looking very shy.

"Uh… Hi Beast Boy. Can I help you?" Robin's eyebrow rose at the boy's strange behavior.

"You sure can!" Without a moment's notice, the green titan leaped at Robin, smacking his lips down onto Robin's. Immediately Robin pushed him away, a horrified expression gracing his face. If you looked close enough, you could probably see his mask twitching.

"What the hell was that!" Robin exclaimed, wiping his face and mouth.

Before Beast Boy could reply, another shocked voice cut him off. "Yes Beast Boy, what in the name of X'hal was that!"

Beast Boy scratched his head nervously. "Because I'm not manly, that makes me gay, so I figured… I might as well try it out."

Starfire felt her knees go weak as she threw her arm over her forehead dramatically. "Oh Robin, how could you have betrayed me!"

"No, Starfire! You saw it! It wasn't me, it was Bea—" Robin made a movement towards Starfire, but was stopped by her firmly pressing her palm to his chest.

"Robin, no. Now…I fear I must also feel the feelings for one of my own gender. It just must be so," Starfire said solemnly. Tears formed in her eyes and she rushed out of the main room, crying, "Raven! Raven, I am in need of girl talk!"

"Starfire!" Robin exclaimed, throwing his arm after her. Unfortunately for the boy wonder, by the time he cried out the doors had already been closing. Collapsing to his knees, Robin cradled his head in his hands. "Now who will be my canon love?" He whispered.

From the couch, Beast Boy cleared his throat.

"NOOOO!"

---

"Wait, do not fire! It is I, your sister!"

Starfire's face scrunched up. "Blackfire?"

"No, your other sister! The one who is now Queen!"

"What happened to Galfore?"

Rolling her eyes, the beautiful Tamaranean mumbled quickly, "He uh, he died." Her voice rose. "Now, bow before my all powerful powers! I have your powers, Starfire, except I also have the power of telekinesis, and dimension travel!"

"But those powers aren't found on Tamaran."

"That's because I'm not really your sister! Really, I am…" Everyone leaned forward. "The child of you and Raven!"

The only sound that followed was the sound of Raven and Starfire collapsing to the floor.

---

-blast-

"Owie hey Im Ravn!"

"Owie hey Im Beast Boy!"

-blush-

---

"Yoo, dawgs! Was' up in the hiz-house, heeyyy!"

Starfire slowed mid chew. "Friend Cyborg, are you feeling okay?"

"Hey hottie, I'm feelin' fiiiiiiiine, daaaamn!"

Beast Boy blinked, lowering his comic book. "Uh…dude?"

"Hey y'all, let's go check out mah RIMS! H'yeah!"

Cyborg pounded his fists in the air in front of him, thrusting his pelvis back and forth, singing 'Baby Got Back'.

"My anaconda don't want none…"

Starfire leaned towards Robin. "Robin, why is Cyborg speaking the…ebonics?"

"…Unless you got buns, hun!"

Robin, having no reply to Starfire's question, scrunched up the left side of his face and studied the rapping Cyborg. "Uh…."

"Hey fellas, it's been tight, bu'h I gotta go pimp my ride now. Then I got a grillz fittin' lata, ha-ha, ya know?" He pounded his fist on his chest and moved them into a peace sign. "See y'all in da future, and shit, 'kay bitches? Homie out." With that, Cyborg walked out of the main room, moving his shoulders from left to right with every step.

An awkward, still silence followed. "All in favor of forgetting that ever happened, say aye," Robin said after a few moments.

"Aye."

"Aye."

"Ugh- aye."

---

"Wait! Do not move!"

The titans froze mid-step, slowly turning their heads to face those who had called out to them. Robin stood upright first, eyebrow raised behind the mask. He exchanged glances with the others for a moment, studying the people in front of them. His hand finding his way to the back of his neck, he spoke, "Uh…can we help you?"

Standing in front of the Titans was a group ranging from four to sixteen people, none no older than sixteen. Several had purple hair streaked with green, others raven-black hair and luminescent, glowing green or blue eyes, and the only two African-American children were covered with metal parts resembling Cyborg's. "Yes! You must not leave the Tower for pizza today, or else we shall cease to exist!" One exclaimed.

"Oh?" Raven asked. "And why is that?"

"Because if you do, Starfire and Robin will never share a near-death experience that will occur a few moments after you leave, thus resulting in the admittance of their love!" One with raven-black hair and green eyes said. Robin and Starfire glanced at each other quickly, flushing.

"And if they don't get together, Beast Boy and Raven won't get together!" At this, Raven and Beast Boy's eyes widened and they blushed harder than Robin or Starfire had. "And _then_, Cyborg won't be compelled to feel like the odd-man out, and he'll never go to Titans Tower to find Bumble Bee!"

Cyborg coughed, only turning his head to hide his amusement and embarrassment.

A purple-haired, green-eyed girl pressed her fist to her heart in a proud stance. "Alas, we must depart! The portal I am holding will last for so long. But do not fret; we will be back in chapter twoooo—!" Before she had a chance to finish, a black portal engulfed them all, cutting her off.

Still getting over the alarming news, everyone was silent for a few minutes. Beast Boy was the first to speak, his voice still squeaking a little. "So uh…who wants pizza?"

---

"They don't even seem to care about the fact that I took off randomly for 'Titans East'! And you're telling me I'm just supposed to sit here until the canon pairings are together?" Cyborg exclaimed, eyes widening.

The authoress ran a hand through her hair, giving Cyborg a weak smile. "…Yes?"

* * *

**EGADS. THIS IS PATHETIC.**

**Oh well. Review, you know you want to congratulate me on my pathetic excuse for a chapter.**


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